I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
