He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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