Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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