So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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