so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
