She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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