I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
