Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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