I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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