it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
