I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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