I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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