he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
