are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
