I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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