talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
