and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
