Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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