no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
