So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
