Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
