im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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