I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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