sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
