i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize