Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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