it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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