Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
