I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
