Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize