Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
