Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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