The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
