I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize