I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
