the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
