But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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