You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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