I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
