More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
