The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
