Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
