So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
