somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
