I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
