Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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