we're chasing vodka with high fives
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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