Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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