Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
