I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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