You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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