you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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