is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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