You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
