There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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