you turned your livingroom into a bong?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
