I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
