I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize