Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
