i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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