we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
