I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
