Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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