it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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