Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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