please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize