Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
