Define "chronic" masturbator.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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