I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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