he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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