well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
