I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
